What I’ve learned from Nancy Grace

16 Jun

Nancy Smash!

This woman may or may not have changed my life. Mainly because she was one of the main reason I became friends with Jimmy and a life without him is a sad life, indeed. In case you didn’t catch on, that last sentence is a link to his blog. Read it if you enjoy laughing. Read it if you don’t enjoy laughing cause it might offend you, and that might make others laugh.

Anywho, back to Ms. Grace. I’ve learned..

1. Anybody who is even thinking about hurting a young girl should refrain if only because the wrath of Nancy might be worse than the Devil himself.

2. If I found myself in a pickle and needed a lawyer, I would chop off an arm and a leg to afford her. She won’t lose, therefore I will stay out of jail. I’ll just be hopping around with one arm for the rest of my life. Totally worth it.

3. That she writes books. I know this because she reminds her viewers of this before more commercial breaks.

4. I’m pretty sure her books are based off of real-life cases. But this is not her capitalizing on others misfortune, because if anybody wishes Baby Caylee was alive, it’s Nancy Grace.

5. Her fiance was murdered when she was 19. She wrote a book about it.

6. That the death of her fiance inspired her to go to law school and become a supporter of victim’s rights.

7. That even if people think you lie during cases (seriously, look it up) and you get in trouble for swaying the jury with your own personal beliefs, you can still get your own show.

8. That if you think Richard Ricci is the one who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart, even though you don’t really have any solid evidence, go ahead and tell everybody that. Find out he didn’t do it? Stand by your decision anyway. “He’s a known con, a known felon and brought suspicion on himself. Who could blame anyone for claiming he’s the perpetrator?” Um, he could blame you. Too bad he died in custody.

9. That having your own show means you get to interrupt your guests whenever they say something you don’t like. And by “interrupt”, I obviously mean “yell at.” Nevermind if they seem to be making a valid point. WE HAVE TO FIND (insert missing child’s name here) NOW!

10. That if I had the choice between being in a room with a killer or Nancy Grace, I might choose the killer. You can’t run away from that woman’s voice.

11. That van der Sloot guy doesn’t even know what he’s started. Also, why is he such a creep? Did he really think that girl wasn’t going to google him? Hell, I google my cashier at HEB. It’s 2010, we have no choice these days.

12. That if she doesn’t calm down (or if people don’t stop kidnapping/abusing/killing young people) her head will literally explode. Nancy brains EVERYWHERE.


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