The Vegan Diaries: The countdown to cheese begins…

31 Jan




I’ve survived pizza and donuts at one job. Being SURROUNDED by fresh baked cookies, sandwiches and soup at another. An outing with friends where I stayed away from the delicious tacos, a birthday party with a build-your-own-tacos type bar (Hi, welcome to Texas. We love tacos.) and a dad who really loves chicken and cheese.

Can I survive 11 more hours?

I really, really hope so.

I don't look good in hats, but I'd probably wear this one. Who am I kidding? I'd probably eat this one if I could. No shame!



P.S. You know my mom still doesn’t know I had bacon and eggs on Day 1? Whoops. Secrets don’t make friends good daughters. I figure it’s okay, since I’ve now lasted longer than her. Ha!


The Vegan Diaries: And then there was one…

28 Jan

Yesterday I had a wrap filled with spinach and tofu for dinner.

My mom did too. With a side of fish.

I would be the angry little boy in this situation.


That’s right. I’m the lone “vegan” in this house. Sigh.

She debated for a while what she wanted to do, but in the end decided to just give in. Like I said in my last post, she always has a lot of social functions to attend and it’s been hard for her to keep up with it. Especially since we’re not doing this for any other reason but that we just wanted to see what it was like. We had every intention of going back to meat when the month was over, so it’s not like we’re trying to make a “save the animals!” statement here.

Sorry animals 😦

Ideally, I should stop too. At this point I’m just being stubborn.

But, with that said, I still cannot get myself to eat some cheese. I’ve thought about it many times. I even went so far as to make a grilled cheese sandwich! But as I started to put my beloved hot sauce on it, I realized I just could not eat it.

So I ate the hot sauce with pita chips.

No joke. I do stuff like that.

I think this has turned into a control thing. The fact that this is mentally unhealthy is not lost on me. Actually the fact that this isn’t in any way healthy since I eat bagels and chocolate (not together, usually) like they’re going out of style isn’t lost on me either.

But when I spend my days sending out my resume, desperately waiting for just one legit response, only to hear from companies that are trying to take advantage of recent grads, what to have for lunch suddenly becomes a big decision. I really don’t know how to describe it, other than to say that sometimes the highlight of my day is knowing that I didn’t eat that ice cream or that I chose soy milk instead of 2%.

It’s weird. It’s messed up. It’s me. I’m kind of a drama queen. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Enough serious talk. Want to know what I plan on cooking/eating when this is done? Duh, of course you do!

Jenna’s amaaaaazing mac&cheese. To tell you the truth, I have half a mind of making this at midnight on Feb. 1. I want it that bad.

Jessica’s Buffalo Chicken Burgers? Yes please!

My dad’s chili. Confession: I had a dream about this chili a few weeks ago. My life is so sad. But it is soo good, and he’s been making it for as long as I can remember. It reminds me of growing up in Ohio and eating with my whole family on cold winter nights. Love.

And what goes better with chili, than….sausage? So to help out, I’ll make this sausage cheese cornbread.

Oh, and I almost forgot about my Orange Chicken! <<not my recipe, but I made mine up and I’m too lazy to type it out right now. Sorry.

And, of course, I need to bake something. Quick! Somebody tell me what to bake!

Oh, you’re single? Sorry about that.

27 Jan

If you’re my Facebook friend (and why wouldn’t you be?!) you may have noticed the status I posted a few days ago:

Sorry that’s a little small. But you get the idea.

This came about because I was tired of having this conversation with others.

Other person: So do you have a boyfriend? (or some variation of the question)

Me: Nope. (or some other variation of the word)

Other person: Oh man, I bet you hate Valentines Day! (no variation, that’s what they all say)

Then they look at me with pity. That’s the worst part. Ugh.

What part of me makes people think they need to feel bad about me? Do I have “I’m single and hate my life” stamped across my forehead?! If so, please tell me so I can go wash it off. Pronto.

I really didn’t want to have to use my precious blog to address this issue, but it seems I must since these conversations are happening with basically everybody I meet. Including my customers, who seem to care more about my “sad, pathetic, single life” than their quad-venti-light whip, extra stirred-mocha.


To put it simply, I do not hate Valentine’s Day. In fact, I LOVE Valentine’s Day.

This would be your time to gasp, clutch your heart and faint.

Are you better now? Did your significant other come help you off your floor? They did? Well, that’s sweet! Now you both can read.

I love it because it’s adorable. Red and pink! Balloons and flowers! Candy and chocolate! Adorable coffee mugs! Heart-shaped EVERYTHING!

I love it all. Especially the adorable coffee mugs. So much that my mom threatened to kick me out of the house if I bought one more. I’m willing to take my chances though since they’ll be going on clearance on Feb. 15 and I’ve had my eye on this one at work……anybody need a roomie? I might be in need of shelter soon.

Guess a boyfriend would come in handy then. Har har.

I’ll start off by admitting that I get why you would think I hate the holiday (and yes, I do kind of think it is a holiday). I see why you would imagine me sitting in my Snuggie on Feb. 14 elbows deep in a tub of frosting, watching “You’ve Got Mail”.

But that would imply that I don’t do that all the time. And since “You’ve Got Mail” has seen my DVD player at least 12 times this year, I can assure you that your implication is wrong.

But again, I understand why you would think that. I’m single. Without partner. All alone in this big wide world, with nobody to love me! Right?

Um, wrong.

Just because I listen to Taylor Swift doesn’t mean I lay in bed every night wishing I had someone to cuddle with. I mean, I listen to Weezy everyday too. Would you like to assume things about me based on that too?

Wait, don’t answer that.

The thing is, I’m the girl who watches “chick flicks” to feel happy. I love seeing two people fall in love. Other people being happy does not automatically mean I am not happy. Does that make sense?

Let me put it this way: Being single does not make me sad.

The humane society commercials make me sad.  Not seeing my family for months at a time makes me sad. Not seeing my best friend everyday makes me sad. Dropping a pan of cookies I just baked on the floor makes me sad. Very, very sad.

Being single makes me…well, single. That’s all. I’ve been single (almost) my whole life and I’m fine. Just fine.

If you want to worry about me, than go for it. That’s sweet. But don’t you dare feel bad for me. I won’t accept it. There are way more important things in this world for my family, friends (and random customers) to feel bad about.

I’m tired of others being surprised to find out I rarely date. What’s so damn surprising about it? There are plenty of people who don’t have dates lined up every weekend. Should we start a Singles Club? Maybe we can all hang out, hide, eat ice cream and feel bad about ourselves while our counterparts go out and show the world how in love they are.

First rule of Singles Club, don’t talk about Singles Club…

I like boys. I like dates. I love love. But I don’t need anybody to feel bad for me on Valentine’s Day, or any day for that matter.

How can you feel bad for me when I have friends that make me laugh:

A niece and nephew so cute they make my heart melt every time I look at them:

This big pile o’ love:

Cupcakes! (made by Jessica)

And, of course, mugs that look like this:

Truth: I showed you ALL those pictures just to have an excuse to put that mug up there. I’m completely obsessed.

So back to you, Mr. quad-venti-light whip, extra stirred-mocha, no I do not hate Valentine’s Day. Now go find yourself somebody else to pity.


I never looked good in a vest anyway

25 Jan

I was never a Girl Scout. I tried, but didn’t get in.

Actually I take that back. I never even got a chance to try and be a Girl Scout. I was rejected from Brownies, which I’m pretty sure is the forgotten half-sister to the Scouts.

My mom says it’s because I was too cute and they didn’t want the other girls to feel bad about themselves.

Gosh, I love her.

Even when she opens the door for the same organization that rejected her pride and joy. And then makes that pride and joy deal with the little girls (who were not rejected) because she can’t say “no”.

Well, guess what? Turns out I have the same problem. Wonder where I learned that?!

So even though I told her to not answer the door, she refused to listen to me. Mostly, she was upset that I was refusing to answer it myself.

Confession: I will go out of my way to not answer our door.

There’s no specific reason for this either. Sometimes I know we’re not expecting anybody and I don’t want to deal with door-to-door salespeople. Sometimes I just can’t handle the idea that I’d have to wrestle my 80-pound dog to ground while opening the door to keep him from escaping. And other times I’m convinced the craigslist killer is outside my door and I just don’t feel like dying that day.

My mom doesn’t seem to agree with all these theories I have. But she’ll be happy when I live a full life, that doesn’t result in a lifetime movie being made about me.

Did I mention that my dog goes crazy when he hears the doorbell? Yes? Well, allow me to mention it again.

Just as sure as I am about the craigslist killer showing up at my door, my dog is sure that two  little girls in vests are going to beat me up and take all my money. So when they showed up a few days ago, I had to put him in a headlock to keep him from trampling all over them.

Although, in actuality he seemed more excited than upset. I’m pretty sure he just wanted to jump in their wagon, eat all their cookies and take a nap. But who can blame him?

Those cookies are damn good.

I made the decision to buy some new ones they had so I wouldn’t be too tempted to eat them (vegan January, remember?). Normally I’m a Samoa girl, but I’m trying this new thing called “willpower” and it’s better if I don’t see Samoas for a while.

I can’t even remember what kind I bought now. They’re sitting in my pantry somewhere. Poor little cookies probably feel lonely with nobody to eat them.

The cookies I bought are the least of my problems now, though. The worst part is that I see those girls everywhere I go. Like, seriously, everywhere. A few have set up shop at the end of my street and hold up a box every time I drive past them. I saw a group outside Walgreens the other day, accosting innocent shoppers with their sweet smiles and sugary treats. And there’s a good chance they’ve been following me to work.

Oh, and today? Well today they were outside my gym.

You try lifting weights with visions of Thin Mints in your head.

It’s devils’ work, I tell you.

Just give up. They're going to catch you.

The Vegan Diaries: Coffee, gummy bears and boys.

18 Jan

We’re a little over two weeks in and I haven’t ended up on the floor in front of my fridge in the fetal position. Yet.

I’m such a winner.

When we first talked about this little challenge, my mom and I made sure that alcohol would be allowed. Not because we were alcoholics, but because not eating meat or dairy could turn us into alcoholics. Also we basically subsisted off of cookies and margaritas all of December and were only willing to give up one.

Luckily it is allowed and luckily we haven’t yet turned to the dark side. Just the sweet, white wine side. As much as I love a random night out with friends drinking vodka tonics until I can’t feel my lips, I really love having a glass of wine with a meal. Sadly, most of the vegan meals we’ve had don’t really seem to “go” with wine. Odd. This of course means nothing because I had a glass while eating gummy bears the other day. But we haven’t been drinking as much as we seemed to think we would. Win.

Also? Gummy bears are not safe in my presence. I need candy rehab.

Another also? I went to the movies today and brought a bunch of candy for my friend and I. But he didn’t eat any (lame) and now I’m stuck with like five pounds of sugar in my purse (not lame, not healthy). He knows who he is, and he better know I’m blaming him if I fall into a sugar coma anytime soon.

Anywho, we did make a major discovery that has changed things. Coffee creamers have no dairy in them! I don’t care to know what exactly is in them (and by that I mean I don’t want to know what those big words in the ingredient list mean), all I know is that I never want to see soy creamer again. No thanks.

Another thing I’ve discovered? Lacking a social life has made this month so much easier. My parents, of course, are little party animals so it’s been a little more difficult for mom. I don’t know if you’ve ever attended an Indian party, but it centers around food. Even if it’s a bridge club party, it is all about the food. Luckily, Indian food is full of vegetables and spices and not as much cream and butter. However there have been a few times when she’s succumbed to some desserts, and frankly, I don’t blame her. We made a pact that we wouldn’t get down on ourselves if we “cheated” a little throughout the month and we’ve stuck to that.

And yes, my parents are part of a bridge club. I think it’s hilarious.

Almost as hilarious as me being home alone last Saturday night baking vegan cookies while my parents went to a party.

I’d appreciate it if you focused more on the “baked vegan cookies” part of the sentence and less on the “home alone on a Saturday” part. Thanks.

On that note, I’m going to go watch my boyfriend do his thing on the tennis court.

He got bumped from husband to boyfriend when he went and found himself a supermodel wife. Jerk.

My new husband lost in the first round. But it doesn’t matter, I love him anyway.

When I do finally meet this man of my dreams will somebody remind me to delete this post? I don’t want to seem like a crazy fan-girl who falls for people she doesn’t actually know if real life. Because, that’s not me.

Seriously, I’m totally cool.

Catching up

17 Jan

Perhaps you’ve noticed I’ve been gone for a while. Or perhaps you haven’t?

Don’t worry, it won’t hurt my feelings.

I’ve been a bad blogger and I have no excuse. Slap my wrists. Take away my TV…whatever. Maybe one day I’ll learn my lesson.

Probably not, though.

Either way, looks like we have some catching up to do! So here goes..

1. I’ve been working two jobs this past week. Originally I was going to come on here and be all “poor me, I have to work two jobs and had no time to blog! womp womp.” But then, I decided not to. Plenty of people work multiple jobs and manage to keep a smile on their (tired) face. The reason I didn’t blog wasn’t because of lack of time, but rather lack of content. You think bras and coffee are interesting? Well then, you go start a blog about them.

2. I stayed up past 10 p.m. EVERY DAY this past week. Some days I didn’t go to bed until like 1:30 A.M. I’ll allow you a few seconds to process this. I went to bed on a different day than I woke up. I hear people do this all the time! Crazy, huh? Obviously I would have loved to be sound asleep by 10, but some days I didn’t even get off work until 11:30. And I can never just come home and go to bed. I always ALWAYS read or something before falling asleep. Um, and I might have stayed up one of those nights playing Angry Birds on my phone. Don’t judge.

3. Sadly, no matter what time I fell asleep I still always woke up earlier than I needed to. I don’t know if it’s because I’m ready to be a grown-up and get up for a career, or because my body is afraid it’ll go into a coma if I keep sleeping a million hours a day. Either way, coffee is my friend.

Hello lover...

4. On Friday and Saturday I had to open at one job (7:30-12) and then go to my next (1-6). I wanted to cut off my feet both days. I need out of retail as soon as possible.

5. I’m done complaining now.

6. I fell in love with a random woman at my gym. She was on the treadmill in front of me watching the food network. LOVE. I think we might be soul mates. Also, she was adorably short so I could see her TV perfectly. It was just the most amazing workout of my life. Weezy in my ears, Barefoot Contessa on my eyes. Lovely.

7. I found out my sass has officially rubbed off on my mother. While watching the Golden Globes she spent the entire three hours making fun of people. It was glorious. Love her.

8. I made vegan cookies! They’re not awesome, but I’ve had about 15 so that obviously doesn’t matter.

9. Speaking of cookies, my parents went to the outlet malls while I was working today (not that I’m complaining or anything…) and bought me new wire cooling racks. If you know me, you know how excited this makes me. Cookies for everyone!


10. I’m thinking about having a social life again. First step is going to a movie sometime this week. Then I’ll move on to drinks. And then we’ll see about a dinner. Maybe I”ll go bowling! Or to a party! Oooh a bowling party!

11. And perhaps the most important piece of information for you: I haven’t worn my jeggings in over a week. That, my friends, is what I call progress…

12….actually that’s a lie. I wear regular leggings pretty much all the time. And not in the good “I do yoga everyday” Jessica way. Mine is more of the “why wear pants if you have nowhere but the couch to go” kind of way.

I promise I’ll wear real clothes to the movie. Can’t say the same about bowling though. Sorry.



10 Jan

I think I’m going crazy. Again.

Maybe it’s because I’m working at two jobs this week (just started at BN, haven’t quit VS yet). Believe it or not, selling a cup of coffee is a lot different than selling a bra.

Maybe it’s because it’s impossible to forget how to make Starbucks drinks, thus making my “training” at BN totally useless.

Maybe it’s because I hate that I have to tell people I work at the “BN Cafe” when I basically feel like I’m working at Starbucks again.

Maybe it’s because I need to get out of retail. Soon.

Oh hey, maybe it’s because I’m reading a book about a woman who goes crazy looking for jobs. Not the best timing on my part, but at least it’s hilarious. Jen Lancaster is too much.

Maybe I’ll stop talking about jobs.

Maybe it’s because I spent an entire hour at the grocery store, when it should have taken just 20 minutes.

Maybe I shouldn’t have spent so much time debating on whether to get roasted sunflower seeds or unroasted sunflower seeds.

Maybe I should have realized I would be roasting them anyway, so unroasted was the better choice. And cheaper.

Maybe it’s because I bought soy chorizo. Ew? I had my mom’s credit card so all bets were off.

Maybe my mom is the crazy one because she still doesn’t realize that sending me to the store with her card never bodes well for her bank account.

Maybe it’s because I randomly think of Family Guy scenes at the most inappropriate times and end up laughing my ass off in front of a bunch of strangers.

Maybe you should fast-forward to :55 to get to the funny part

Maaaaybe I just spent 30 minutes watching Family Guy clips.

Maybe it’s because my dog’s birthday is tomorrow and I feel bad I didn’t get him anything. Seriously, look at this face.

I just love him too much.

That’s his  “stop taking crappy pictures of me with your phone and please start feeding me the grapes you are eating” face.

Maybe it’s because I actually say (out loud) to my dog “I want to give you grapes, I really do because I know how much you love them! BUT I won’t because I would just die if got sick. I would JUST DIE Max.”

Maybe it’s because I’m eating grapes instead of drinking them. Plus, Max doesn’t beg for alcohol.

Maybe Max is straightedge?

Yup, definitely crazy.