Tag Archives: driving

Judgement Day

9 Dec

I’m the first to admit that I judge people. BUT I’m quite skilled at not letting them know they’re being judged. Even if they’re wearing hooker boots to class, I can make them feel like the classiest lady on the planet.

Unfortunately, others just can’t seem to give me the same kind of respect. I know I’m a ridiculous person but I like who I am and nothing is going to change that. So if I want to jam out to “Party in the USA” while brushing my teeth in my car, I’m gonna do it.

I love her. I really do.

Do I need to explain?

It’s really not that great of a story. I mean, I’m sure others have done it. I can’t be the only one to use those Crest Wisp thingys, and I”m certainly not the only person to enjoy a little music action in my car.

To make a long story short: I was driving to work. It seemed like a good time to freshen my breath. Then Miley came on. What was I suppose to do? Stop freshening my breath? Not sing a long?

That’s crazy. It’s like we’ve never met. Plus, have you seen how white Miley’s teeth are? She’s probably on my side with this one.

Anywho, as I’m “moving my hips like yeahhh” (not so easy in a car by the way) and “brushing” my teeth, I look over and there is this dude in a Sonata giving my the stink eye. He couldn’t have heard what song I was listening to, so he probably wasn’t judging my Disney taste in music. My dance moves are pretty sweet so he most certainly was not hating on those. This obviously means he was judging me for making sure my breath smelled minty and fresh.

Doesn’t he know that I’m Indian and basically eat cloves of garlic for breakfast? And I pretty much bathe in hot sauce, so if I want to take the time to freshen my breath, believe me, I’m doing the world a favor. It’s why those things were invented. To “brush” your teeth when you’re not at a sink squeezing toothpaste out of a tube and deciding what pajamas to wear. In the commercial the girl uses them right before making out with some random stranger at a club. I like to practice safe makeout sessions, so I probably would not be sucking face with a stranger, but so what? I’ve found another use for them. Crest obviously thanks me for being so damn resourceful.

Stink eye needs to back off.


Driving by the numbers

9 Dec


Today marks the last time I will be driving to SA for school. The last time I’ll have to sit in rush hour traffic and hate my life. The last time I will have to wonder if the guy next to me is going to cut me off (he probably is). From August 26 to now, it’s been quite the ride (ha). So in honor of this momentous occasion, I bring you this post.

Driving by the Numbers (kinda)

Trips to and from SA: 27

Miles driven: Over 4,000

Hours spent in car: 54 (kill me)

Money spent on gas:$1,000,000

Near death experiences: 18

Actual near death experiences: 2

Honest number of near death experiences: 0

Times I thought I had a flat tire: ~10

Actual flat tires: 1

Times I wished cars could fly: o. That’s too scary!

Times declared “I’m getting a job in a big city so I don’t have to drive!”: Countless

Coffee consumed in car: Gallons

Time coffee spilled on pants/leggings: ~5 (ouch)

Times leggings were worn because “they are more comfortable to drive in”: Once a week

Times I wanted to stop and shop at the outlets (for new leggings, of course): 27

Answers to radio show questions screamed out loud: At least one per drive

Times I heard “Teenage Dream”: 384930

Times I wanted to blow my brains out when hearing “Teenage Dream”: 384928

(^Ditto for “California Gurls”, “Dynamite” and “You Belong With Me”)

“Bedrock” lyrics memorzied: ALL OF THEM (seriously, quiz me)

Times Glee soundtrack was listened to: ~15

Times I thought I had Whitney Houston-like lung capacity: A lot

Times I did have Whitney Houston-like lung capacity: 0

Times I still think I should try out for American Idol: More than I should

Times Justin Bieber came on the radio: Not enough!

Times “Everybody” by BSB was played (by me): Twice a day since the AMA’s. No joke.

Times I was judged by other drivers: More than I care to admit (although they can suck it)

Dear Kid,

6 Oct

Dear kid who jumped a curb and almost killed me because you were texting while driving,

Seriously?! I mean, really?! How many people have to tell you that texting while driving is dangerous before you listen? I saw you too, I knew it was going to happen because I’m the most paranoid person on the planet and I watch every car that comes within 50 yards of me. I saw you with your Bieber hair (how can you even see the road, let alone your phone, with those side-swept emo bangs?) and your popped collar (I’ll write you another letter about that one–just, no) and your stupid little smile as you typed away on your stupid little phone.

Another thing, are you even aware that the speed limit on campus is like 10 miles an hour?! This means that you are allowed to go, at max, 18 miles an hour. You? Well, I’m pretty sure you were coasting at 45. I know this because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have FEARED FOR MY LIFE had you been going between 10-18. So there you are, flying down the road texting your friend about how cool it is to have hair in your eyes that causes you to flip your head ever 2.4 seconds. And here I am, walking on the sidewalk after a LONG day of class wanting nothing else but to get to my car so I can drive home. But no, first I must have a near-death experience to really end the day well. Did you even see me? Did you even know you were on campus at the time? Or were you too busy checking your Facebook for comments to a status that you had updated 2 minutes before. I wonder if that status said “Hey guys, about to head to class. Maybe I’ll scare the crap out of someone today LOL :)” I’m sure you’re a decent person outside of your car (minus the popped collar and wannabe hair) but maybe it’s time to reevaluate things. What if I wasn’t paranoid and hadn’t been looking. What if some asshole biker came flying down the sidewalk at the same time you did? We would have had ourselves a Bike-Mansee-Car sandwich, and not the good kind. Or what if I had checked my phone at that time (which I’m allowed to do since I was walking and not controlling a large people-killing machine) and didn’t see you? I might not have jumped out of the way. And then I’d be on the ground.

And you might be in jail.

Sigh. Do me a favor, kid, and check out Oprah’s website. Actually just click *here* and do what it says. Make your car a “no phone zone” so this doesn’t happen again. Do this so Oprah doesn’t come beat you up. Because she will, she will literally punch you in the face with her billion dollar fist. And I’ll stand there (alive!) and laugh. I will laugh at the billion dollar punch and I won’t feel that bad, just like how you probably don’t feel bad that you almost ended my life.

(Not so) sincerely, Mansee