Tag Archives: Random

I never looked good in a vest anyway

25 Jan

I was never a Girl Scout. I tried, but didn’t get in.

Actually I take that back. I never even got a chance to try and be a Girl Scout. I was rejected from Brownies, which I’m pretty sure is the forgotten half-sister to the Scouts.

My mom says it’s because I was too cute and they didn’t want the other girls to feel bad about themselves.

Gosh, I love her.

Even when she opens the door for the same organization that rejected her pride and joy. And then makes that pride and joy deal with the little girls (who were not rejected) because she can’t say “no”.

Well, guess what? Turns out I have the same problem. Wonder where I learned that?!

So even though I told her to not answer the door, she refused to listen to me. Mostly, she was upset that I was refusing to answer it myself.

Confession: I will go out of my way to not answer our door.

There’s no specific reason for this either. Sometimes I know we’re not expecting anybody and I don’t want to deal with door-to-door salespeople. Sometimes I just can’t handle the idea that I’d have to wrestle my 80-pound dog to ground while opening the door to keep him from escaping. And other times I’m convinced the craigslist killer is outside my door and I just don’t feel like dying that day.

My mom doesn’t seem to agree with all these theories I have. But she’ll be happy when I live a full life, that doesn’t result in a lifetime movie being made about me.

Did I mention that my dog goes crazy when he hears the doorbell? Yes? Well, allow me to mention it again.

Just as sure as I am about the craigslist killer showing up at my door, my dog is sure that two  little girls in vests are going to beat me up and take all my money. So when they showed up a few days ago, I had to put him in a headlock to keep him from trampling all over them.

Although, in actuality he seemed more excited than upset. I’m pretty sure he just wanted to jump in their wagon, eat all their cookies and take a nap. But who can blame him?

Those cookies are damn good.

I made the decision to buy some new ones they had so I wouldn’t be too tempted to eat them (vegan January, remember?). Normally I’m a Samoa girl, but I’m trying this new thing called “willpower” and it’s better if I don’t see Samoas for a while.

I can’t even remember what kind I bought now. They’re sitting in my pantry somewhere. Poor little cookies probably feel lonely with nobody to eat them.

The cookies I bought are the least of my problems now, though. The worst part is that I see those girls everywhere I go. Like, seriously, everywhere. A few have set up shop at the end of my street and hold up a box every time I drive past them. I saw a group outside Walgreens the other day, accosting innocent shoppers with their sweet smiles and sugary treats. And there’s a good chance they’ve been following me to work.

Oh, and today? Well today they were outside my gym.

You try lifting weights with visions of Thin Mints in your head.

It’s devils’ work, I tell you.

Just give up. They're going to catch you.

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Random Musings

6 Aug

I don’t know if it’s writers block or the fact that I’m just not as witty and clever as I thought, but I have no new “learnings” for you wonderful readers. I have ideas, but that’s about it. And the world can’t run on just an idea, now can it? If y’all have anything you’d like to see on here, please send it my way!

But for now, I’m going to start a new thing. Random Musings will be my go-to posts when I have no What I’ve Learned posts going on. Since I think I’m awesome I normally have something to say about everything. Really, EVERYTHING. At the very least this might keep me on a semi-regular posting schedule.

Or not. Either way, I still think I’m awesome.

1. Starbucks is coming out with a new drink. Surprise surprise. It is is apparently “coffee without the coffee taste.” And by that, they mean fruit?  It’s called the Refresher, or something like that. Just stop already. You’re a coffee shop, it’s okay to have a drink that tastes like coffee! Infact, all your drinks should taste like coffee. You don’t go to bars to drink tequilla that doesn’t taste like tequilla, do you?

2. Gap needs to not. Have you seen this ad?! So here’s how I see it: I agree, not everybody looks good in shorts. Hell, I don’t really look that good in shorts, but it’s roughly 135 degrees in Texas, so like it or not, I am going to wear shorts. And that is only because I will be arrested if I walk around with no pants on (which is what I would prefer to do as I would like to be the next Miley Cyrus). My problem with this ad is that they’ve gone from using skinny models to make us feel bad about our bodies, to blatantly telling us we should feel bad about our bodies. Dear Gap, even if I wasn’t broke off my ass I still wouldn’t buy pants (or shorts) from you. P.S. I might come back for a scarf though.

3. Um, Soulja Boy? Is it just me or does Soulja Boy sound like he’s just learning how to read in his song “Pretty Boy Swag”? Seriously, listen to it and get back to me. It’s like a perfect ad for Hooked on Phonics.

4. An anti-Twilight movie is coming out. Guess what it’s called? Vampires Suck. Ha, so clever. While I realize this movie is directed towards people who hate Twilight (thaaaaat’s me) I still don’t care to see it. My reason, you ask? Well because the storyline will still be that of Twilight. Just with a random dance and some funny lines. So if I won’t go see the original because of the storyline, it’s a sure bet I won’t want to see the spoof of it. Sidenote: I couldn’t think of the word “spoof” and needed my friend Julia’s help with that 🙂

5. Stick this! I just entered a giveaway to win $200 worth of Post-It Note products. In case you didn’t know, I love Post-It Notes more than the normal person. They’re just so amazing.

6. Jersey Shore is back. Actually, I think I might save this for another post. There’s just so much to say about our GTL loving guidos!

7. Oh hey, another body image issue! Doesn’t her before pic actually look better than her airbrushed after one?

8. I don’t appreciate… how BP’s public relations team is managing to make PR look shady and douchey than it already kind of seems. We’re not all liars! Also, learn how to use photoshop please, but stop using it to try and trick the public. Um, I guess I should also say I don’t appreciate BP ruining our environment, but I figured that was kind of obvious.

9. Taylor Swift’s new song is out. *Sigh* You know what’s funny? For some reason, her songs don’t remind me of my singleness as much as seeing her in interviews do. That’s probably why I try to stray away from her interviews, I’ve got enough reminders in my own life, thanks.

10. A-Rod hit his 600th homerun! Oh wait, I don’t care.

Any random musings you care to share?